9/4/81. Rhonda Dixon 9/4/81. Rhonda Dixon 9/4/81. 9/4/81.
If I had a dollar for every time I've muttered my verification information, I could buy a penthouse suite in Gulf Shores, Alabama. Sit on my balcony every morning, lost in a good book, the crashing of the waves on the shore as my background music, glance up once in a while to catch a dolphin surface close to shore, feel the warm sun on my face... Sorry, you all lost me there for a minute. I was back to last week where this was my reality every morning and evening. Who would have thought Alabama could be so awesome? Just beautiful! And I finally saw for myself a red dirt road. Like the song. It's a real thing.
A day spent in Nashville on the tail end of our trip as we passed through on our way home was the perfect ending. Such a blast. And, no, I didn't see Keith this time either!
This vacation could not have come at a better time. Let's just say my shit show has been a shit head and like I said to Jason shortly after we pulled away from our home, "I want and need NO mention or talk of the C word, shit show, medical records, doctors, hospitals (you catch my drift)." He wholeheartedly agreed... and we both obliged... until Friday as we were halfway to Nashville on our trek home and Northwestern called to have me sign some paperwork they were going to email me for consent to have Loyola release some medical records to them... POW! And just like that, a punch to the gut and slap across the face - back to reality.
Northwestern, you ask?! Yes, Northwestern. Time for a fresh set of eyes and brains to look me over.
Back in March, while being tourists in our own windy city, checking out the Shedd Aquarium, that Loyola number showed up on my phone. Dr. Nand informed me my gene study, yet again, went up and he was making a chemo switch. My blood work levels remained very low, and now the gene study (% of leukemia cells in my blood) are increasing. In you and I terms: Gleevec was hindering the growth of good, new blood and now not keeping leukemia under control. It was no longer working.
The fact that I have another target treatment to go to is incredible in the blood cancer world. The fact that I need to go to another target treatment is somewhat scary as I only have very few options to blow through...
I began the new chemo the following week. I swallowed my first dose and Jason and I just stared at each other. As if I was going to do some circus act or something - hahahaha!!! Three days went by with not one sign of a new chemo in my body. I felt fine! Until very early Sunday morning I woke up with the most excruciating bone/muscle pain and the worst headache I have ever felt. We contemplated a trip to the emergency room but settled on a dose of Tylenol (the only thing I can take) to see what that did and, by golly, it subsided the pain well enough for me to get back to sleep. My trusty Tylenol carried me though the next week of terrible bone pain. A few other side effects come and go but that bone pain is for the birds.
Then a couple weeks later I feel myself coming down with a cold. Most likely the one my children so graciously shared with me. Eventually, that turned into high fevers, a trip to the ER, "Its just a virus let it run its course", a week goes by and still running 104 fevers, back to dr, get treated for pneumonia, a few days of antibiotics and finally on the mend. That "virus" hung out for 3 weeks. It ran its course, all right!!
I had my "new chemo one month checkup" somewhere in all of that. Dr. Nand was very encouraged by blood work. Since day 1 most blood work levels come back highlighted which means "not in normal range." This blood work had very little highlighting going on. He was confident this new chemo was the ticket. A gene study was done and those results were not encouraging. But, because of the chemo switch so recently, he admitted he did a gene study prematurely and wouldn't do another one for a few months. The Tasigna needs to run its course for a few months and he will test again.
It's nothing against Loyola Medicine, Dr. Nand, a nurse, a staff member. It's the fact I'm dealing with cancer here. A chronic cancer, at that. One in which I will deal with for the rest of my life even after I hear the word REMISSION. While I live for the day to hear that word, it certainly isn't my tell all. I need peace of mind. Period. That's all thats to it. So therefore, I reached out to the National CML Society and was recommended a CML specialist at another fantastic hospital here in Chicago. I will see her tomorrow for the first time. I pray she agrees that we are on the right course!!! I have a few other doctors and routes that I can take in my back pocket. But, we'll start here for now.
This hospital happens to be a block off the Magnificent Mile. Oh, darn! If Jason and my dad think they are getting out of a shopping spree they are wrong - hahaha!! Maywood, IL (home of Loyola), well, lets just say, can't get back to my neck of the woods fast enough.
Hadn't blogged in 3 months. Just wanted to update y'all. I would appreciate your prayers and positive vibes as I turn to a new set of brains tomorrow. I'd say its about time I finally KICK CANCERS ASS!!!!!!! I'll update soon.
Be well!
Rhonda Kay
xoxo
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Drilling Bones and Keeping the Faith
Lying face down, on my belly. My forehead resting in the "v" of my bent arm. The pushing, the prodding, the feeling around with his hand. More pushing and prodding. Finally, he zeroes in on a spot and pushes firmly. A huge squeeze of the husbands hand, and a big inhale waiting for the pinch...
"I'm just marking my spot with a marker, Ms. Dixon."
*Huge exhale* Son of a.....!!!
"Oh, okay doc"
This time he gives me fair warning that the first numbing shot is coming. The worst part of the whole bone marrow biopsy, in my opinion. You'd think the flabby upper part of the butt/lower back hip wouldn't hurt. Wrong. That burn is like nothing else. Its enough to make you silently mutter cuss words in a Catholic hospital. He goes in for a second numbing shot and although I most likely can't feel it, when he asks if I feel a burn you better believe I say yes. Give me all the Novocain, doc!!!!! Now for the auger... Jerry, are you still with me??? LOL!! My oldest brother is probably passed out reading thus far... Nah, the auger is the easy part. Auger down, doc. Have at it. Drill those bones!! Now for the marrow aspiration. While I only feel pressure and pushing, it's awful. I am tensed up and back to squeezing Jason's hand until its blue. The lab nurse is massaging my legs and before I know it, it's over. That, my friends, is a bone marrow biopsy. Nothing a few Tylenol's over the next few days can't take the edge off.
I told you I'd write about it, so there you go. I haven't had one since June and I hope there's not another one in my near future. Luckily, they've come a way with blood cancer and SO much can be monitored through a simple poke for bloodwork. Which, by the way, is holding steady. All levels remain LOW but have gone up slightly which is what we want. What we don't want is my gene study (% of leukemia cells in my blood) to go up and this most recent one just before Christmas increased 1%. What does that mean? *shrugs shoulders* Doc said to continue treatment as is and he'll see me in February.
Do I stress about it? Sure. Does it keep me up at night? Perhaps. But, I have my meltdown and move on with my life. I can't focus on it. The unknown of this whole shit show is enough to make you want to crawl into a hole. One day at a time is the best I can do. And yes. I just called it a shit show. It's the best I can come up with. I'm still Rhonda... just with a side of shit show.
I recently started the generic version of my chemo thanks to insurance calling the shots on that. Instead of $14,182 a month, it now costs $22,000 for 3 months. What a steal! I live for a good bargain. Some side effects have reappeared after having them finally subsiding. Achy, sore muscles and almost immediate nausea and fatigue setting in after taking it. Getting in and out of the car/bed is slow some days. When I tell you I'm sore from marathon training, I'm pulling your leg!!! ;)
I drafted this blog entry two weeks ago now and I've come back to it at least a half dozen times. I'm struggling to find the words... Last week a friend posted: "God, I can't say it in words... Can you please just listen through my heart." (Unknown) Love it. Just love it. It's what I needed. It's what a lot of us needed last week. Two weeks ago we mourned with some dear friends after the passing of their 12 year old nephew. We struggled to understand why. Again, I just had no words. Sitting through his funeral service was tough. Stories were shared. We all laughed, we all cried. But then the last reading/message was delivered by their pastor with such meaning. I was deeply moved by it. His journey has not ended, just this chapter. A new chapter begins with Jesus. In a time of such hurt and sorrow, they find comfort knowing hes walking along side our Lord. This isn't anything new to me, I just had never heard it delivered in such a way. So to that pastor, thank you! It was the reminder I needed. Just give it to God and never lose faith. Never lose hope. Hope anchors the soul.
I'm trying not to be too "churchy" but at the same time, I'm just speaking from the heart. After all, God gave us a great reason to smile and rejoice during this grief-stricken time. Another dear friend welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world. The circle of life.
Kind of a blue entry. Perhaps its reflecting my mood during this gray, dreary time of year. Some sunshine would be very welcomed. And I'm ready for some 70 degree weather. Am I asking too much? Hopefully, that crazy groundhog delivers good news tomorrow.
We registered Blake for kindergarten yesterday. Kendall's preschool registration is next week. Another two months has flown by and I'm off to the doc again soon. Time just keeps ticking away!!! Crazy!
Have a great week! Chat soon.
Be well,
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
"I'm just marking my spot with a marker, Ms. Dixon."
*Huge exhale* Son of a.....!!!
"Oh, okay doc"
This time he gives me fair warning that the first numbing shot is coming. The worst part of the whole bone marrow biopsy, in my opinion. You'd think the flabby upper part of the butt/lower back hip wouldn't hurt. Wrong. That burn is like nothing else. Its enough to make you silently mutter cuss words in a Catholic hospital. He goes in for a second numbing shot and although I most likely can't feel it, when he asks if I feel a burn you better believe I say yes. Give me all the Novocain, doc!!!!! Now for the auger... Jerry, are you still with me??? LOL!! My oldest brother is probably passed out reading thus far... Nah, the auger is the easy part. Auger down, doc. Have at it. Drill those bones!! Now for the marrow aspiration. While I only feel pressure and pushing, it's awful. I am tensed up and back to squeezing Jason's hand until its blue. The lab nurse is massaging my legs and before I know it, it's over. That, my friends, is a bone marrow biopsy. Nothing a few Tylenol's over the next few days can't take the edge off.
I told you I'd write about it, so there you go. I haven't had one since June and I hope there's not another one in my near future. Luckily, they've come a way with blood cancer and SO much can be monitored through a simple poke for bloodwork. Which, by the way, is holding steady. All levels remain LOW but have gone up slightly which is what we want. What we don't want is my gene study (% of leukemia cells in my blood) to go up and this most recent one just before Christmas increased 1%. What does that mean? *shrugs shoulders* Doc said to continue treatment as is and he'll see me in February.
Do I stress about it? Sure. Does it keep me up at night? Perhaps. But, I have my meltdown and move on with my life. I can't focus on it. The unknown of this whole shit show is enough to make you want to crawl into a hole. One day at a time is the best I can do. And yes. I just called it a shit show. It's the best I can come up with. I'm still Rhonda... just with a side of shit show.
I recently started the generic version of my chemo thanks to insurance calling the shots on that. Instead of $14,182 a month, it now costs $22,000 for 3 months. What a steal! I live for a good bargain. Some side effects have reappeared after having them finally subsiding. Achy, sore muscles and almost immediate nausea and fatigue setting in after taking it. Getting in and out of the car/bed is slow some days. When I tell you I'm sore from marathon training, I'm pulling your leg!!! ;)
I drafted this blog entry two weeks ago now and I've come back to it at least a half dozen times. I'm struggling to find the words... Last week a friend posted: "God, I can't say it in words... Can you please just listen through my heart." (Unknown) Love it. Just love it. It's what I needed. It's what a lot of us needed last week. Two weeks ago we mourned with some dear friends after the passing of their 12 year old nephew. We struggled to understand why. Again, I just had no words. Sitting through his funeral service was tough. Stories were shared. We all laughed, we all cried. But then the last reading/message was delivered by their pastor with such meaning. I was deeply moved by it. His journey has not ended, just this chapter. A new chapter begins with Jesus. In a time of such hurt and sorrow, they find comfort knowing hes walking along side our Lord. This isn't anything new to me, I just had never heard it delivered in such a way. So to that pastor, thank you! It was the reminder I needed. Just give it to God and never lose faith. Never lose hope. Hope anchors the soul.
I'm trying not to be too "churchy" but at the same time, I'm just speaking from the heart. After all, God gave us a great reason to smile and rejoice during this grief-stricken time. Another dear friend welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world. The circle of life.
Kind of a blue entry. Perhaps its reflecting my mood during this gray, dreary time of year. Some sunshine would be very welcomed. And I'm ready for some 70 degree weather. Am I asking too much? Hopefully, that crazy groundhog delivers good news tomorrow.
We registered Blake for kindergarten yesterday. Kendall's preschool registration is next week. Another two months has flown by and I'm off to the doc again soon. Time just keeps ticking away!!! Crazy!
Have a great week! Chat soon.
Be well,
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Still swimming (can't come up with anything clever - HA!)
It was the bottom of the 9th of game 7 of the World Series. The Indians tied it up in the 8th. The Cubs made the 3rd out to retire the side and we were heading into extra innings. This was it. The Cubs HAD to score. Everything was coming down to this. A 108 year old curse was riding on a run. "Please God MAKE THEM DO THIS!!!!!!" I felt so deflated after having the lead up until the 8th inning. It went to commercial. A Tide commercial came on, and wouldn't you know the actress stood there with two anchors on her shirt. That's when I knew. THERE WAS MY SIGN. The Cubbies were going to pull this off and did they ever. They scored their two runs, Bryant to Rizzo for the 3rd out and HOLY COW!!! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! (As if anyone needed that replay because I'm pretty sure the world was watching)
Hope anchors the soul.
My life has thrown up anchors. My children get so excited when they see an anchor out and about, "Mommy!! An anchor!!!!" If they only knew. It's amazing what they do know and pick up on. Anytime I'm off to the doc, "Mommy, you have to go check your tummy?" They were told a million times in the beginning to be careful of mommy's tummy. Most nights I'm asked by Blake if I've taken my medicine. He knows mommy has to take her pills to feel better. It is sometimes a challenge to have such little ones and not feel well, but, they keep the mood light and keep us laughing. Especially on nights like tonight when Santa talked to Blake through the vent in his room while in a time out. Haha!!! 'Tis the season.
So two weeks ago I had a follow up appointment. I left there a little uneasy but tried not to get all worked up. Usually, the night after an appointment or the following day it hits me and I lose my crap. Even after good appointments. It's the whole idea of walking into a cancer center and seeing SO many sick people and the flood of "what ifs" and the unknown and... and... and... Ugh. I'm there because I'm sick too. Even after a year its still kinda surreal. Some times we hear people in the lobby calling loved ones and joyfully passing on the great news that they are in remission. And other times, well, just the opposite. When I walk in I go straight to the lab to get signed in to get poked and find my place to stand and wait in my little corner and bury my head in my phone.
My levels are low. Low, like, are you sure you're feeling well, low. Yes, I'm generally feeling great these days. I was hoping my blood work was going to reflect that. Dr. Nand wasn't totally pleased with my results. He was thinking out loud with us and talking about changing my treatment pill or maybe changing the dosage again. Before doing any of that he wanted to wait for the results of the gene study. I think I explain the the gene study every post but people are always asking... SO, the gene study is an in depth blood test that measures the amount of leukemia cells in my blood. Looking for the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome which is the abnormality cell that makes up Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. The ultimate goal is for this to be ZERO PERCENT. No leukemia present. We need it to be going DOWN. Two months ago it actually had increased....
I was laying down with Kendall, trying to get her to nap when that Maywood number showed up on my phone 5 LONG days later. My stomach drops and I answer knowing I'm about to get the gene study results.
"Ms. Dixon?"
Dr Nand?!?!?! WHY ARE YOU CALLING????? As I sat up ready to run for the hills.
(It is usually his physician assistant that is always making these calls so when I heard his voice I assumed it wasn't good news..................)
He kinda giggled and said, "I have great news. Your gene study came back and I'm pleased to be able to tell you your level is 2.728% down from 6%!!!!!!!!!
Cue immediate tears and and a huge "THANK GOD!!!!"
He apologized for getting ahead of himself at the appointment but admitted again that I'm a hard case. "You go against all normalities in treating this disease and I'm always being kept on my toes with you. Continue treatment as we are and WHEN this number hits 0 we will lower the dosage in hopes of bringing your levels back up."
WHEN THAT NUMBER HITS 0 I WILL HEAR THE "R" WORD...................... JUST SAYIN'
A few weeks ago I hit the one year anniversary of all hell breaking loose. Yippee. (*rolls eyes*) What an "anniversary" to have. Jason and I have done a lot of reflecting and talking about the months and days leading up to October 14th. I specifically remember a distinct conversation between us just days before that Wednesday. My night sweats were completely out of control. It was one morning after being up to change 4 times.... FOUR. He told me it was time to get in to see a doctor. I looked him right in the eye and with tears in mine said "But, what if there's something seriously wrong with me??" I called later that day to get in for my yearly physical and it was on the schedule for 10 days later. Little did I know that appointment would turn into a follow up, rather than my initial visit. It wasn't even that Dr. that started this nightmare. It was our childrens pediatrician. CRAZY.
Life is so precious. So uncertain. Stop talking. Start doing. Live it up and live your dreams. Throw it all in the F it bucket and LIVE YOUR LIFE. What are you waiting for?
Thanks for checking in. Thanks for listening. Thanks for always praying. This was a tough one to write for some reason. I guess it was just time for a good cry.
Love Y'all!
Rhonda Kay
xoxo
Hope anchors the soul.
My life has thrown up anchors. My children get so excited when they see an anchor out and about, "Mommy!! An anchor!!!!" If they only knew. It's amazing what they do know and pick up on. Anytime I'm off to the doc, "Mommy, you have to go check your tummy?" They were told a million times in the beginning to be careful of mommy's tummy. Most nights I'm asked by Blake if I've taken my medicine. He knows mommy has to take her pills to feel better. It is sometimes a challenge to have such little ones and not feel well, but, they keep the mood light and keep us laughing. Especially on nights like tonight when Santa talked to Blake through the vent in his room while in a time out. Haha!!! 'Tis the season.
So two weeks ago I had a follow up appointment. I left there a little uneasy but tried not to get all worked up. Usually, the night after an appointment or the following day it hits me and I lose my crap. Even after good appointments. It's the whole idea of walking into a cancer center and seeing SO many sick people and the flood of "what ifs" and the unknown and... and... and... Ugh. I'm there because I'm sick too. Even after a year its still kinda surreal. Some times we hear people in the lobby calling loved ones and joyfully passing on the great news that they are in remission. And other times, well, just the opposite. When I walk in I go straight to the lab to get signed in to get poked and find my place to stand and wait in my little corner and bury my head in my phone.
My levels are low. Low, like, are you sure you're feeling well, low. Yes, I'm generally feeling great these days. I was hoping my blood work was going to reflect that. Dr. Nand wasn't totally pleased with my results. He was thinking out loud with us and talking about changing my treatment pill or maybe changing the dosage again. Before doing any of that he wanted to wait for the results of the gene study. I think I explain the the gene study every post but people are always asking... SO, the gene study is an in depth blood test that measures the amount of leukemia cells in my blood. Looking for the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome which is the abnormality cell that makes up Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. The ultimate goal is for this to be ZERO PERCENT. No leukemia present. We need it to be going DOWN. Two months ago it actually had increased....
I was laying down with Kendall, trying to get her to nap when that Maywood number showed up on my phone 5 LONG days later. My stomach drops and I answer knowing I'm about to get the gene study results.
"Ms. Dixon?"
Dr Nand?!?!?! WHY ARE YOU CALLING????? As I sat up ready to run for the hills.
(It is usually his physician assistant that is always making these calls so when I heard his voice I assumed it wasn't good news..................)
He kinda giggled and said, "I have great news. Your gene study came back and I'm pleased to be able to tell you your level is 2.728% down from 6%!!!!!!!!!
Cue immediate tears and and a huge "THANK GOD!!!!"
He apologized for getting ahead of himself at the appointment but admitted again that I'm a hard case. "You go against all normalities in treating this disease and I'm always being kept on my toes with you. Continue treatment as we are and WHEN this number hits 0 we will lower the dosage in hopes of bringing your levels back up."
WHEN THAT NUMBER HITS 0 I WILL HEAR THE "R" WORD...................... JUST SAYIN'
A few weeks ago I hit the one year anniversary of all hell breaking loose. Yippee. (*rolls eyes*) What an "anniversary" to have. Jason and I have done a lot of reflecting and talking about the months and days leading up to October 14th. I specifically remember a distinct conversation between us just days before that Wednesday. My night sweats were completely out of control. It was one morning after being up to change 4 times.... FOUR. He told me it was time to get in to see a doctor. I looked him right in the eye and with tears in mine said "But, what if there's something seriously wrong with me??" I called later that day to get in for my yearly physical and it was on the schedule for 10 days later. Little did I know that appointment would turn into a follow up, rather than my initial visit. It wasn't even that Dr. that started this nightmare. It was our childrens pediatrician. CRAZY.
Life is so precious. So uncertain. Stop talking. Start doing. Live it up and live your dreams. Throw it all in the F it bucket and LIVE YOUR LIFE. What are you waiting for?
Thanks for checking in. Thanks for listening. Thanks for always praying. This was a tough one to write for some reason. I guess it was just time for a good cry.
Love Y'all!
Rhonda Kay
xoxo
Monday, September 5, 2016
Another Trip Around the Sun
Good grief! How about that weather this long, holiday weekend?! You're welcome ;) It was like God let me dial up the weather as I turned another year older and wiser - the big 3-5. Thank God! 34 needed to go. Get. Scram. Peace out. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. It was a near perfect day spent with the people that matter most to me, my family. I woke up Sunday morning to my Blake running into our room so excited to let me know "Daddy went to the store to buy sprinkles for your cake, mommy!! We are going to make your cake but it's a surprise!!" Ha! My husband and kids made me my birthday cake. Yellow cake out of a box, chocolate frosting and LOADS of sprinkles. You could say it was a "want some cake with those sprinkles?" kinda cake. That's my fave. Don't try to impress me with those overpriced bakery cakes. My day only got better from there. I couldn't stop thanking the good Lord up above for another year. I found myself quite emotional at times. My family and I were gathered around the bonfire as they sang to me and I made my wish as I blew out the candles. Glad it was dark out... my eyes welled up with tears... for I think it's pretty obvious what my wish was this year.
Which brings me to my disease update. Ewwww. Disease.
My levels remain low and are maintaining low. While he would like to see them come up a bit he says things are "looking good." The results from my gene study last month show the percentage of leukemia cells in my blood went up slightly (ultimate goal is for this to be 0%. NOT GOING UP!!!) This could be from being off treatment for a while after the levels bottomed out or my body just hating Gleevec (my chemo). If, when I go back next month, it goes up again, we will change to a whole new chemo treatment. The world of medicine. An emotional roller coaster. For as far as "they" have come with all this stuff sometimes I just want to scream, "FIGURE IT OUT!!!!!"
Our two darlings are a great distraction from the frustrating, emotional, scary, and unknown roller coaster I'm on. Like when Kendall Kay sticks her hands down her pull up to let me know she pooped. Like when Blake David makes me listen to the "Bucket Truck" song on YouTube 87 times before 8AM (search it. Its quite catchy). Like when Kendall comes walking out of her room in her high heels, cross body purse, and necklace on and invites me into her room for a tea party. Like when Blake asks me to play baseball and rips one back at me nailing me in the chest. Some days are long but I wouldn't trade being able to stay home with them for anything. For they give me the drive to fight on.
September is Blood Cancer Awareness month. While I don't feel its anything to celebrate or make a big deal out of, (why give the "C" word more attention that it already gets???) I do ask of one thing from all of you between the ages of 18 - 60. GET SWABBED. That's it. The most simple act of swabbing the inside of your cheek gets you entered into the bone marrow donor database. If you have done this within the past 10 years, thank you! Make sure your info is up to date so they can contact you if needed. Could you imagine getting the call that you are a match and have the potential to give someone a new life? A new birthday? Wow. I will even include the link for you! click here!!!!!! This is the least I can do. We need to wipe out blood cancer.
Actually, we need to wipe out ALL cancer.
With my birthday, always comes the unofficial end of summer. I don't know about you but I'm welcoming fall with open arms. I think I'll have a piece of leftover birthday cake before bed. And about that wish... What do you say, God? As always, thanks for praying and keeping tabs.
Love,
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
Which brings me to my disease update. Ewwww. Disease.
My levels remain low and are maintaining low. While he would like to see them come up a bit he says things are "looking good." The results from my gene study last month show the percentage of leukemia cells in my blood went up slightly (ultimate goal is for this to be 0%. NOT GOING UP!!!) This could be from being off treatment for a while after the levels bottomed out or my body just hating Gleevec (my chemo). If, when I go back next month, it goes up again, we will change to a whole new chemo treatment. The world of medicine. An emotional roller coaster. For as far as "they" have come with all this stuff sometimes I just want to scream, "FIGURE IT OUT!!!!!"
Our two darlings are a great distraction from the frustrating, emotional, scary, and unknown roller coaster I'm on. Like when Kendall Kay sticks her hands down her pull up to let me know she pooped. Like when Blake David makes me listen to the "Bucket Truck" song on YouTube 87 times before 8AM (search it. Its quite catchy). Like when Kendall comes walking out of her room in her high heels, cross body purse, and necklace on and invites me into her room for a tea party. Like when Blake asks me to play baseball and rips one back at me nailing me in the chest. Some days are long but I wouldn't trade being able to stay home with them for anything. For they give me the drive to fight on.
September is Blood Cancer Awareness month. While I don't feel its anything to celebrate or make a big deal out of, (why give the "C" word more attention that it already gets???) I do ask of one thing from all of you between the ages of 18 - 60. GET SWABBED. That's it. The most simple act of swabbing the inside of your cheek gets you entered into the bone marrow donor database. If you have done this within the past 10 years, thank you! Make sure your info is up to date so they can contact you if needed. Could you imagine getting the call that you are a match and have the potential to give someone a new life? A new birthday? Wow. I will even include the link for you! click here!!!!!! This is the least I can do. We need to wipe out blood cancer.
Actually, we need to wipe out ALL cancer.
With my birthday, always comes the unofficial end of summer. I don't know about you but I'm welcoming fall with open arms. I think I'll have a piece of leftover birthday cake before bed. And about that wish... What do you say, God? As always, thanks for praying and keeping tabs.
Love,
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Not Out Of the Woods... BUT...
I'm back on the trail and heading in the right direction. I took a detour there for a bit and it got rocky.
In May I went for a checkup. Did my usual blood work first and met with Dr. Nand. He walked in and asked his usual 100 questions as he pulled up my results from just minutes ago. "Are you feeling OK?" That's when I knew my suspicions were accurate. I had been tired again. As in "October tired" as I said to Jason one day. Back to counting down the seconds until nap time, frequent nose bleeds, bruising with the touch of a feather, etc. Something was up. My counts were all VERY low. 8 months ago, dangerously high. That day, dangerously low. In his very calm and professional demeanor, Dr. just said to stop treatment until counts come back up. In his words, "chemo just may be working too well." Weekly draws continued to show decreased levels. Nothing was coming up they way he wanted/suspected it would.
In the meanwhile, I started feeling GREAT off that chemo CRAP!!! My energy shot back and that awful nausea disappeared. (Strange, considering the blood draws weren't reflecting that). ANNNND.. my hubby surprised me with a trip to Nashville!!! I was beyond excited...
Until that Monday before we were to leave. I got our sweet babies down for a nap and snuck out to treat myself to a mani/pedi in case I were to run into Keith Urban. There I was, sitting there, all checked in, color of choice picked out and in my hand - Koala Berry, of course! - and my phone rings. It was that Maywood number. The number that makes my stomach sink and heart race even with just an appointment confirmation call. I stepped out to answer. It was Dr. Nand's nurse calling to relay a message. "Hi Rhonda, your blood work continues to show no improvement, getting worse if anything. We need to schedule a bone marrow biopsy sooner than later to see what's going on. Dr initially suggested doing it next week when you're back for your checkup, but, he'd rather not wait in case its something more serious. Can you come Wednesday?" Obviously, my health is WAY more important than a VERY much anticipated vacay... but, seriously? I asked to have HIM give me a call ASAP. I had questions/concerns/comments. I stepped back into the salon to return my polish and left. Well, sat in my car and waited for his call back. And prayed. And cried. And freaked out. Because that's just what I do.
It probably wasn't 5 minutes later when he called. Big, scary words were flying out of his mouth. "I'm concerned, Ms. Dixon, your leukemia could be turning into this. Could be turning into that. This could be happening. That could be happening." I won't repeat because I've chosen to now block out that conversation. I proceeded to mention I was to leave the next day for a trip day so if there was any way I could come first thing the next morning, I would appreciate that. "You want to have a biopsy and then go on vacation?" Well, NO, I DON'T!!! Who does??? But, YOU want answers and YOU are concerned and that makes ME hysterical and ME requesting to have this done ASAP!!! It got scheduled ;)
You guys, I was scared. Like, SO scared. Like worse than "October scared." And now I had to drive back home. Hysterical. Phone ringing like crazy between Jason, Mom, Dad and Me. I called my oldest, dearest BFF and she talked me off a cliff. I'm a redhead! I can be feisty (no comments, please) and stubborn. But, I am also sensitive and emotional. Yikes! I blame my babies for that one. Never used to be.
Things settled a bit later into the evening and Jason worked up the courage to ask the obvious (ha!)... "Do you still think you're up for going?" Honestly, I wasn't sure. I was leaning towards absolutely not, actually. I wasn't in the mood for anything. I had mentally shut down.
Later into the evening when I should have been long gone sleeping, I started packing my bag. I started coming back to my senses and realized I was letting my DISEASE ruin me. Did I want to hobble around Nashville after getting my bones drilled? No. But, what was I going to do? Sit in a dark hole and wait for that Maywood number to show up days later with results? Pack your bags, Jase! We're going to Nashville!
I got poked at 9AM and by 10 I was laying on that table squeezing the life out of Jason's hands because, well, I'm not going to sugar coat it. Bone marrow biopsies just plain suck. Maybe one blog I'll write a detailed "Rhonda's description" of one. I will say, the worst part is the first few shots of nova cane! Not funny. Auger down all you want after that, but those first shots??? HOLY OUCH!!! HAHA!! Giggling to myself picturing my brother (not the EMT) reading this and passing out. He can't even handle when I tell him about my weekly blood draws. Oncologist in the morning, next stop Nashville!! If you ain't living, you're dying! Off we went. After a stop for lunch, of course. Because ever since day 1 of all this whole nightmare, this girl right here has had an appetite much to dr's surprise. And, boy, is the scale reflecting that lately... But, I digress.
Jason and I had the most ridiculously fabulous time in Nashville. I seriously can't believe I even contemplated not going. Knowing what I know now... how we had too much fun, I really would have regretted that decision. Rooftop dinner, fun entertainment at famous Tootsie's, stopping in a few other staple Broadway bars, posing on the red carpet, Joe Nichols private fan club party, surprised with a shopping spree for FRINGE COWGIRL BOOTS!!, and onto the CMT awards show. That was just our first 24 hours... I was sore, and pooped. But, having too much fun to even care.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about my health amidst all this. That black cloud tried hovering a few times. That's when I'd silently mutter in my brain, "I'm giving it to you, God. Throw me a sign!" You wouldn't believe some of the things he was throwing me... Some very subtle and some so obvious and in my face I'd even have to point them out to Jason. One crazy example: We were standing among hundreds of people at one of the side stages waiting for the concert to start. The girl in front of me lifts her hair off her neck and the anchor tattoo on the back of her neck stares back at me. She steps away for a bit and we move up eventually making our way to front row (don't get too excited... it was just David Nail) and the girl next to me has a much smaller tattoo behind her ear... another anchor.
Hope anchors the soul. Love, LoVe, LOVE that saying! It has become my motto. Hence my obsession with anchors!!! Never lose HOPE!
Signs? Coincidence? Call it what you want. After my follow up appointment last week I'm going to stick with my "signs" story. The good Lord was hearing my and your prayers. Several tests were run with my bone marrow sample. He said he checked it all. Nothing of concern showed up anywhere. No abnormal cells. Things seem to be aligning nicely. There was one gene study he was still waiting on (takes awhile) and he would call me if he saw something he didn't like. Haven't heard from him. My blood work has also begun to trend upwards. So while he was stumped as to why my blood work was bottoming out, he wasn't seeing any reason to be concerned. He simply called it me being "special" and just "keeping him on his toes." Duh, doc. Have you seen my hair? All jokes aside - one quite encouraging test we talked about - and forgive my lack of medical terminology knowledge... "One test we look for the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome blah blah blah and we look for the levels of the blah blab blah to be under 35. Blah blah blah yours is 25. That's very good. We're getting there" Amen! Back on treatment. We will play with dosage as my body tells us what it can handle. I knew hearing 'Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me' as we neared the hospital was, perhaps, another sign.
I had so much more on my mental notepad to touch base on but I'm going to leave it at that for now. Mainly Nashville stuff because now I'm obsessed. Like how we went for a drive through the country and checked out Franklin, TN. And how we MAY have stopped for a drink at the Franklin Starbucks and waited for the Black Bentley to pull up and out pop Keith... He didn't. But, I did enjoy an ice cold shaken green tea lemonade with my husband on a beautiful, hot Tennessee day. Maybe I need to write a little more often and not as much. Felt good again though. I feel so much lifted off my shoulders when I write it out. My plan to "stay under the radar" didn't work so well this time. Thank you for the continued prayers and support.
Now about that mani/pedi... Let's try that again.
Love y'all!
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
In May I went for a checkup. Did my usual blood work first and met with Dr. Nand. He walked in and asked his usual 100 questions as he pulled up my results from just minutes ago. "Are you feeling OK?" That's when I knew my suspicions were accurate. I had been tired again. As in "October tired" as I said to Jason one day. Back to counting down the seconds until nap time, frequent nose bleeds, bruising with the touch of a feather, etc. Something was up. My counts were all VERY low. 8 months ago, dangerously high. That day, dangerously low. In his very calm and professional demeanor, Dr. just said to stop treatment until counts come back up. In his words, "chemo just may be working too well." Weekly draws continued to show decreased levels. Nothing was coming up they way he wanted/suspected it would.
In the meanwhile, I started feeling GREAT off that chemo CRAP!!! My energy shot back and that awful nausea disappeared. (Strange, considering the blood draws weren't reflecting that). ANNNND.. my hubby surprised me with a trip to Nashville!!! I was beyond excited...
Until that Monday before we were to leave. I got our sweet babies down for a nap and snuck out to treat myself to a mani/pedi in case I were to run into Keith Urban. There I was, sitting there, all checked in, color of choice picked out and in my hand - Koala Berry, of course! - and my phone rings. It was that Maywood number. The number that makes my stomach sink and heart race even with just an appointment confirmation call. I stepped out to answer. It was Dr. Nand's nurse calling to relay a message. "Hi Rhonda, your blood work continues to show no improvement, getting worse if anything. We need to schedule a bone marrow biopsy sooner than later to see what's going on. Dr initially suggested doing it next week when you're back for your checkup, but, he'd rather not wait in case its something more serious. Can you come Wednesday?" Obviously, my health is WAY more important than a VERY much anticipated vacay... but, seriously? I asked to have HIM give me a call ASAP. I had questions/concerns/comments. I stepped back into the salon to return my polish and left. Well, sat in my car and waited for his call back. And prayed. And cried. And freaked out. Because that's just what I do.
It probably wasn't 5 minutes later when he called. Big, scary words were flying out of his mouth. "I'm concerned, Ms. Dixon, your leukemia could be turning into this. Could be turning into that. This could be happening. That could be happening." I won't repeat because I've chosen to now block out that conversation. I proceeded to mention I was to leave the next day for a trip day so if there was any way I could come first thing the next morning, I would appreciate that. "You want to have a biopsy and then go on vacation?" Well, NO, I DON'T!!! Who does??? But, YOU want answers and YOU are concerned and that makes ME hysterical and ME requesting to have this done ASAP!!! It got scheduled ;)
You guys, I was scared. Like, SO scared. Like worse than "October scared." And now I had to drive back home. Hysterical. Phone ringing like crazy between Jason, Mom, Dad and Me. I called my oldest, dearest BFF and she talked me off a cliff. I'm a redhead! I can be feisty (no comments, please) and stubborn. But, I am also sensitive and emotional. Yikes! I blame my babies for that one. Never used to be.
Things settled a bit later into the evening and Jason worked up the courage to ask the obvious (ha!)... "Do you still think you're up for going?" Honestly, I wasn't sure. I was leaning towards absolutely not, actually. I wasn't in the mood for anything. I had mentally shut down.
Later into the evening when I should have been long gone sleeping, I started packing my bag. I started coming back to my senses and realized I was letting my DISEASE ruin me. Did I want to hobble around Nashville after getting my bones drilled? No. But, what was I going to do? Sit in a dark hole and wait for that Maywood number to show up days later with results? Pack your bags, Jase! We're going to Nashville!
I got poked at 9AM and by 10 I was laying on that table squeezing the life out of Jason's hands because, well, I'm not going to sugar coat it. Bone marrow biopsies just plain suck. Maybe one blog I'll write a detailed "Rhonda's description" of one. I will say, the worst part is the first few shots of nova cane! Not funny. Auger down all you want after that, but those first shots??? HOLY OUCH!!! HAHA!! Giggling to myself picturing my brother (not the EMT) reading this and passing out. He can't even handle when I tell him about my weekly blood draws. Oncologist in the morning, next stop Nashville!! If you ain't living, you're dying! Off we went. After a stop for lunch, of course. Because ever since day 1 of all this whole nightmare, this girl right here has had an appetite much to dr's surprise. And, boy, is the scale reflecting that lately... But, I digress.
Jason and I had the most ridiculously fabulous time in Nashville. I seriously can't believe I even contemplated not going. Knowing what I know now... how we had too much fun, I really would have regretted that decision. Rooftop dinner, fun entertainment at famous Tootsie's, stopping in a few other staple Broadway bars, posing on the red carpet, Joe Nichols private fan club party, surprised with a shopping spree for FRINGE COWGIRL BOOTS!!, and onto the CMT awards show. That was just our first 24 hours... I was sore, and pooped. But, having too much fun to even care.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about my health amidst all this. That black cloud tried hovering a few times. That's when I'd silently mutter in my brain, "I'm giving it to you, God. Throw me a sign!" You wouldn't believe some of the things he was throwing me... Some very subtle and some so obvious and in my face I'd even have to point them out to Jason. One crazy example: We were standing among hundreds of people at one of the side stages waiting for the concert to start. The girl in front of me lifts her hair off her neck and the anchor tattoo on the back of her neck stares back at me. She steps away for a bit and we move up eventually making our way to front row (don't get too excited... it was just David Nail) and the girl next to me has a much smaller tattoo behind her ear... another anchor.
Hope anchors the soul. Love, LoVe, LOVE that saying! It has become my motto. Hence my obsession with anchors!!! Never lose HOPE!
Signs? Coincidence? Call it what you want. After my follow up appointment last week I'm going to stick with my "signs" story. The good Lord was hearing my and your prayers. Several tests were run with my bone marrow sample. He said he checked it all. Nothing of concern showed up anywhere. No abnormal cells. Things seem to be aligning nicely. There was one gene study he was still waiting on (takes awhile) and he would call me if he saw something he didn't like. Haven't heard from him. My blood work has also begun to trend upwards. So while he was stumped as to why my blood work was bottoming out, he wasn't seeing any reason to be concerned. He simply called it me being "special" and just "keeping him on his toes." Duh, doc. Have you seen my hair? All jokes aside - one quite encouraging test we talked about - and forgive my lack of medical terminology knowledge... "One test we look for the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome blah blah blah and we look for the levels of the blah blab blah to be under 35. Blah blah blah yours is 25. That's very good. We're getting there" Amen! Back on treatment. We will play with dosage as my body tells us what it can handle. I knew hearing 'Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me' as we neared the hospital was, perhaps, another sign.
I had so much more on my mental notepad to touch base on but I'm going to leave it at that for now. Mainly Nashville stuff because now I'm obsessed. Like how we went for a drive through the country and checked out Franklin, TN. And how we MAY have stopped for a drink at the Franklin Starbucks and waited for the Black Bentley to pull up and out pop Keith... He didn't. But, I did enjoy an ice cold shaken green tea lemonade with my husband on a beautiful, hot Tennessee day. Maybe I need to write a little more often and not as much. Felt good again though. I feel so much lifted off my shoulders when I write it out. My plan to "stay under the radar" didn't work so well this time. Thank you for the continued prayers and support.
Now about that mani/pedi... Let's try that again.
Love y'all!
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
Friday, March 18, 2016
I've got a little spring in my step!
Hello! It's been a while. I really appreciate all the kind words and people constantly looking out for another blog post. I love to write and I love it even more that people actually read it. I've been laying low - trying to stay under the radar. There isn't a whole lot going on in my world and that's a very fabulous thing to be able to say in the cancer world.
I visited my Dr. Nand a couple weeks ago. Got poked a few times, chit chatted, cracked some jokes and patiently waited for that Maywood number to ring my phone with the results of my bloodwork, and, most importantly, another gene test. Remember, these gene tests are my tell all...
My bloodwork showed my white blood cells, red blood cells, platelets and hemoglobin are now low. Out of range on the low side now. He tells me this is all ok and normal for this stage of treatment. The gene test shows 5% leukemia cells!!! This is down from 100%, then 17%!!! I can only keep praying that in another two months that gene test shows NADA. He did mention this is taking a bit longer than he'd like to see, but nothing to worry about. "You are doing excellent, Ms. Dixon" PRAISE THE LORD!
I suppose taking a bit longer is better than not taking at all. That's how I'm looking at it, at least. Those words ("This is taking longer than I'd like to see") kind of resonates through my head and I find myself discouraged. Chin up, buttercup! While it feels like 5 years, I remind myself it's been 5 months and I feel like a whole new Rhonda in those 5 months compared to the past year. Yikes! I was VERY sick and living like a zombie for so long. I visited my OBGYN for my yearly last month and in talking with him and going over my initial "get to the ER numbers" he just looked at me and shook his head. After a brief silence, he looked up at me and said, "Im not sure how you did it. I'm not sure how you were getting up every day." As I wiped away some tears and shrugged my shoulders he said, "you are so lucky to even be here today." I've heard those few lines so many times in the past few months.
Slowly, I am trying to find the motivation to get back into running! Some of those pounds I so proudly lost (with the help of my secret weapon - leukemia- ha!) have found their way back onto my thunder thighs. But, today I actually ran... Ok jogged... SLOWLY jogged 2.5 miles!!! I've come a long way from "I just need to lay down for a bit", to that turning into 4 hour naps, to apologizing to my husband for "not having it in me to make dinner", and in bed at 7:30 for the night. How I never thought I was sick was beyond me. I tried to keep a smile on my face and tell myself to "snap out of it, what's your problem?! You're fine!!" Little did I know I had a reason for being miserable.
Enough about me! Happy Spring! The trees are budding, my daffodils are growing and the grass is green! New life in so many ways. The sunshine and warmer temps are giving me that bounce to my step. I hope for you too. Until next time! Thanks for checking in.
Be well!
Love,
Rhonda Kay
I visited my Dr. Nand a couple weeks ago. Got poked a few times, chit chatted, cracked some jokes and patiently waited for that Maywood number to ring my phone with the results of my bloodwork, and, most importantly, another gene test. Remember, these gene tests are my tell all...
My bloodwork showed my white blood cells, red blood cells, platelets and hemoglobin are now low. Out of range on the low side now. He tells me this is all ok and normal for this stage of treatment. The gene test shows 5% leukemia cells!!! This is down from 100%, then 17%!!! I can only keep praying that in another two months that gene test shows NADA. He did mention this is taking a bit longer than he'd like to see, but nothing to worry about. "You are doing excellent, Ms. Dixon" PRAISE THE LORD!
I suppose taking a bit longer is better than not taking at all. That's how I'm looking at it, at least. Those words ("This is taking longer than I'd like to see") kind of resonates through my head and I find myself discouraged. Chin up, buttercup! While it feels like 5 years, I remind myself it's been 5 months and I feel like a whole new Rhonda in those 5 months compared to the past year. Yikes! I was VERY sick and living like a zombie for so long. I visited my OBGYN for my yearly last month and in talking with him and going over my initial "get to the ER numbers" he just looked at me and shook his head. After a brief silence, he looked up at me and said, "Im not sure how you did it. I'm not sure how you were getting up every day." As I wiped away some tears and shrugged my shoulders he said, "you are so lucky to even be here today." I've heard those few lines so many times in the past few months.
Slowly, I am trying to find the motivation to get back into running! Some of those pounds I so proudly lost (with the help of my secret weapon - leukemia- ha!) have found their way back onto my thunder thighs. But, today I actually ran... Ok jogged... SLOWLY jogged 2.5 miles!!! I've come a long way from "I just need to lay down for a bit", to that turning into 4 hour naps, to apologizing to my husband for "not having it in me to make dinner", and in bed at 7:30 for the night. How I never thought I was sick was beyond me. I tried to keep a smile on my face and tell myself to "snap out of it, what's your problem?! You're fine!!" Little did I know I had a reason for being miserable.
Enough about me! Happy Spring! The trees are budding, my daffodils are growing and the grass is green! New life in so many ways. The sunshine and warmer temps are giving me that bounce to my step. I hope for you too. Until next time! Thanks for checking in.
Be well!
Love,
Rhonda Kay
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Up, Up, Up. Can Only Go Up From Here
Name that tune! Bonus point if you can refresh my memory of the linedance that goes with it!
3 Months post diagnosis and good things are happening. I had a great visit last week with my pal, Dr. Nand. It was time to see him. I NEEDED to see him. This man has such a calming demeanor while being ultra professional and sticking to business. I needed to hear what he had to say. Yeah, I was feeling great and all, but, who knows what the heck was going on inside me. I felt fine 6 months ago too, but, we all know now all hell was breaking loose!!! Like I said, he's my pal.
White blood cells down to 5,200 (down from 307,000), platelets reading 152,000 (down from 1.4 MILLION), hemoglobin creeping up slowly, but surely, to 11.1. All "normal"... And as some near and dear friends have asked, "Rhonda Kay, were you ever NORMAL??" Gotta love 'em...
My spleen is still "feelable", but nearly back to its assigned seat. It is still at a "would you mind if I let my resident doctor step in to feel this?" level. Haha!!! And get this! Are you ready?? She did her dr business and then leaned down in my ear and said, "Seriously, cute boots!! I LOVE them!!" You guessed it, I was wearing my fringe boots.
I was taken off 2 medications, weekly blood draws dropped down to once a month and overall, feeling awesome. I say that so cautiously because I have cancer, but, I'm feeling great! I have to make a conscious effort to not allow cancer, chemo, the unknown, and God knows what else, run crazily through my mind. It's still hard to close my eyes and go to sleep some nights...
A series of very specific gene tests will be taken to measure the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome... and determine WHEN I go into remission. Not if, WHEN. That Maywood number showed up on my phone Tuesday afternoon and I knew Dr. Nand was calling with the results of Friday's gene test. My heart mayyyyy have started racing a little bit. Yet, another great report. 17% leukemia cells, down from 100%. "This is very good, Ms. Dixon considering your disease was at 100% burden." BOOM!!!
Disease... can we just chat about this word a little? Disease. I'm not sure what word is worse, cancer or disease. It seriously makes my skin crawl when I hear it. It's like I'm the sick and diseased cow in the herd. Like I'm going to give you the cooties if I lay a hand on you. Ugh!!! Awful. OK, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
I was recently introduced to a blog (that I've already binge read) about a young woman with the same diagnosis. I was also put in contact with a young woman (with whom I've spoken to on the phone and emailed back and forth). Joined a CML support group. I follow several CML and leukemia pages and let me tell you, these have all been really great for me. To hear someone else's story and be able to relate to such raw emotion, feelings, thoughts, medication side effects, etc. When you hear them say exactly what you're feeling it's a major sigh of relief to realize you are not alone. That all of this is my new "normal" and it's going to be ok!
I've said it before, and I'll say it again a million times... I have THE best support system, but, they can only relate and help me along so much. To actually live it, and feel it is SO different. Thank you to those who have reached out to CML peeps and introducing me. It has helped more than you know. And to Dr. Mary who is still so wonderful to sound off on and always checking in. My guardian angel here on Earth! She saved my life!!!
So, at this point I will be staying on my Gleevec (thank God and science for Gleevec!!!) and just keep on, keepin' on. And as my cute Dory figurine sitting on the dash in my car, given to me by a dear friend, is always reminding me to JUST KEEP FRICKEN SWIMMING.
2016 is going to be the year I KICK CANCERS ASS!!! Happy New Year, my friends.
Be well,
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
3 Months post diagnosis and good things are happening. I had a great visit last week with my pal, Dr. Nand. It was time to see him. I NEEDED to see him. This man has such a calming demeanor while being ultra professional and sticking to business. I needed to hear what he had to say. Yeah, I was feeling great and all, but, who knows what the heck was going on inside me. I felt fine 6 months ago too, but, we all know now all hell was breaking loose!!! Like I said, he's my pal.
White blood cells down to 5,200 (down from 307,000), platelets reading 152,000 (down from 1.4 MILLION), hemoglobin creeping up slowly, but surely, to 11.1. All "normal"... And as some near and dear friends have asked, "Rhonda Kay, were you ever NORMAL??" Gotta love 'em...
My spleen is still "feelable", but nearly back to its assigned seat. It is still at a "would you mind if I let my resident doctor step in to feel this?" level. Haha!!! And get this! Are you ready?? She did her dr business and then leaned down in my ear and said, "Seriously, cute boots!! I LOVE them!!" You guessed it, I was wearing my fringe boots.
I was taken off 2 medications, weekly blood draws dropped down to once a month and overall, feeling awesome. I say that so cautiously because I have cancer, but, I'm feeling great! I have to make a conscious effort to not allow cancer, chemo, the unknown, and God knows what else, run crazily through my mind. It's still hard to close my eyes and go to sleep some nights...
A series of very specific gene tests will be taken to measure the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome... and determine WHEN I go into remission. Not if, WHEN. That Maywood number showed up on my phone Tuesday afternoon and I knew Dr. Nand was calling with the results of Friday's gene test. My heart mayyyyy have started racing a little bit. Yet, another great report. 17% leukemia cells, down from 100%. "This is very good, Ms. Dixon considering your disease was at 100% burden." BOOM!!!
Disease... can we just chat about this word a little? Disease. I'm not sure what word is worse, cancer or disease. It seriously makes my skin crawl when I hear it. It's like I'm the sick and diseased cow in the herd. Like I'm going to give you the cooties if I lay a hand on you. Ugh!!! Awful. OK, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
I was recently introduced to a blog (that I've already binge read) about a young woman with the same diagnosis. I was also put in contact with a young woman (with whom I've spoken to on the phone and emailed back and forth). Joined a CML support group. I follow several CML and leukemia pages and let me tell you, these have all been really great for me. To hear someone else's story and be able to relate to such raw emotion, feelings, thoughts, medication side effects, etc. When you hear them say exactly what you're feeling it's a major sigh of relief to realize you are not alone. That all of this is my new "normal" and it's going to be ok!
I've said it before, and I'll say it again a million times... I have THE best support system, but, they can only relate and help me along so much. To actually live it, and feel it is SO different. Thank you to those who have reached out to CML peeps and introducing me. It has helped more than you know. And to Dr. Mary who is still so wonderful to sound off on and always checking in. My guardian angel here on Earth! She saved my life!!!
So, at this point I will be staying on my Gleevec (thank God and science for Gleevec!!!) and just keep on, keepin' on. And as my cute Dory figurine sitting on the dash in my car, given to me by a dear friend, is always reminding me to JUST KEEP FRICKEN SWIMMING.
2016 is going to be the year I KICK CANCERS ASS!!! Happy New Year, my friends.
Be well,
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
Monday, December 14, 2015
Still Swimming
December 14, 2015. Two months after my new diagnosis. I was taken aback from the response to my previous post. Over 500 hits. Maybe that's not a lot, but, for my blog it was. Maybe 5 people read it 100 times? Regardless, thanks for hearing me out. I like to write and it felt good to get some raw emotion out there.
JUST two months and what a whirlwind. Overall, I am doing great. Feeling pretty good. Tired, but good. I've gotten back into a routine and back to being a mom (and finally giving my mom a well deserved break). I can only lay around so much. I couldn't wake up knowing I was just going to lay in bed all day again. While I desperately needed the rest, I needed to get back to myself for some motivation. I'm definitely not too proud to admit I take naps in the afternoon once in a while. I've learned to listen to my body. I'm nothing when I'm exhausted and not feeling well. Last I wrote I wouldn't be seeing my pal, Dr. Nand, for 2 months.
Apparently, I missed him so much and needed to see him after a trip to the ER with chest pain. Of course, it couldn't happen during the day. I found myself laying in bed with some chest pains every time I took a breath. I thought it was the way I was laying (again, making a reason/excuse for symptoms). I got up and walked around the house and it continued. Now it's midnight. I was scared to go to bed. I had to wake Jason up and call mom and dad... AGAIN. Off to the ER in the wee hours of the night. One thing though... two words get you RIGHT in... no wait... just say "chest pain" and they are hopping to it. EKG, X-ray, bloodwork, etc. All good. They called it pleurisy (inflammation of the lining around the lungs) and sent me on my way. Loyola wanted to see me after that. The chemo pill I was on has a major side effect of causing fluid pockets around the heart and lungs. I went off it for a week and after seeing him he put me back on it for "one more try." A week went by and the chest pain returned. Back to Gleevec. I was highly discouraged after all this. Dr. Nand talked up this "new and improved" chemo pill to work faster and put me into a deeper remission and now I can't take it... I can only hope and pray Gleevec delivers just as good of results.
As of last Monday, my white blood cell count was just over 12,000 (normal is between 4-10,000). BIG improvement from 307,000!!! I was sooooooooooooo happy to hear that news after the discouragement of changing chemo, because in the meanwhile, my night sweats had returned after 2 weeks of waking up dry and in the same pj's!!! That hasn't happened in 5 months!! Needless to say, I am just riding the roller coaster of medicine. I'm not a fan of roller coasters though. I can get off anytime now.
Like I said, it has ONLY been two months. SOO much has happened, but I have come SOO far in this short time. Still a ways to go. And with this being "chronic", I will be living with this the rest of my life.
One of my favorite sayings: "you gotta laugh to keep from crying!" Seriously, though. I am not making light of my diagnosis. That stupid "C" word is no joke. Like everyone, I have my extreme moments of weakness and vulnerability. I'm not sure it has completely sunk in. Will it ever? I went to the eye dr last week and filling out my paperwork and having to check the "C" word now. My new life. I fought the lump in my throat and smiled at the lady as I handed it over to her.
My spleen is drastically better. Almost to the point of having no excuse anymore for a "bulging belly" - hahahaha!! See? I'm laughing. I tell you what though. My spleen went down in the books. Should have entered that sucker in the Guinness Book of World Records. It seriously impressed so many people. My primary Dr. wished her medical students were around to feel it. Resident dr's at Loyola had bug eyes. Dr. Nand (a leukemia specialist) has seen some enlarged spleens, but, NOTHING like mine. Yeah, that's right. Go big or go home. Thanking some guardian angels about that one. They can't believe the dumb thing didn't rupture. They weren't sure how I was even eating because it was crushing my stomach.
Here we are, just 11 days until Christmas. I'm going into this holiday with a whole new perspective. It's so not about the gifts under the tree. My heart is so full when I'm sitting in a room with my family, the Christmas tree blinding us with its 1,200 lights (again, go big or go home. Right, Jase??), the "Express" (as Blake has appropriately named it) going around the tracks under the tree blaring the same 2 Christmas carols over and over... and over. I've actually gotten mad at myself a couple times for it taking me to get cancer to re-look at my priorities and look at things with a new perspective. We are all guilty of that, though. It's so easy to get in a rut and just go through the motions. Heck, I've even accessorized presents with ribbons and bows. Haven't done that in years. I'd be lying if I said I poop rainbows rainbows now - I'm still very real. My two little darlings still have the ability to make me yell - haha! Toddlers are no joke. And kudos to you people who have several more than I.
I don't write this stuff for "poor me, why me". I write it because I care. If I can inspire one person to make a change, whether it's personal, professional, for their health, maybe to just stop and take it all in? Something, anything. Then I have met my goal. Life can change in a matter of seconds. It took one phone call for me.
The prayers, cards, texts, emails, letters, phone calls, meals. The continued outpouring of support. I thank you. I can never thank you enough. Wishing you and yours a VERY Merry Christmas and a Happy and HEALTHY New Year.
Love and Hugs,
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
P.S. I know I said its not about the gifts under the tree. But, one materialistic thing I am secretly obsessed with... have you seen my new fringe boots? I scored these things on a deal. They are sooo not me. So not my style. But, by golly, it's time to start living!!!! I bought these things stepping way out of my comfort zone and now I'm in love with them. I will even change out of my yoga pants into my skinnies (again, who am I?) so I can wear my fringe boots to go get a gallon of milk. ANNNND to think they come in 7 other colors. Lord, help me. Give me the strength to stay off Amazon and having the other 7 colors show up on my front porch 2 days later...
JUST two months and what a whirlwind. Overall, I am doing great. Feeling pretty good. Tired, but good. I've gotten back into a routine and back to being a mom (and finally giving my mom a well deserved break). I can only lay around so much. I couldn't wake up knowing I was just going to lay in bed all day again. While I desperately needed the rest, I needed to get back to myself for some motivation. I'm definitely not too proud to admit I take naps in the afternoon once in a while. I've learned to listen to my body. I'm nothing when I'm exhausted and not feeling well. Last I wrote I wouldn't be seeing my pal, Dr. Nand, for 2 months.
Apparently, I missed him so much and needed to see him after a trip to the ER with chest pain. Of course, it couldn't happen during the day. I found myself laying in bed with some chest pains every time I took a breath. I thought it was the way I was laying (again, making a reason/excuse for symptoms). I got up and walked around the house and it continued. Now it's midnight. I was scared to go to bed. I had to wake Jason up and call mom and dad... AGAIN. Off to the ER in the wee hours of the night. One thing though... two words get you RIGHT in... no wait... just say "chest pain" and they are hopping to it. EKG, X-ray, bloodwork, etc. All good. They called it pleurisy (inflammation of the lining around the lungs) and sent me on my way. Loyola wanted to see me after that. The chemo pill I was on has a major side effect of causing fluid pockets around the heart and lungs. I went off it for a week and after seeing him he put me back on it for "one more try." A week went by and the chest pain returned. Back to Gleevec. I was highly discouraged after all this. Dr. Nand talked up this "new and improved" chemo pill to work faster and put me into a deeper remission and now I can't take it... I can only hope and pray Gleevec delivers just as good of results.
As of last Monday, my white blood cell count was just over 12,000 (normal is between 4-10,000). BIG improvement from 307,000!!! I was sooooooooooooo happy to hear that news after the discouragement of changing chemo, because in the meanwhile, my night sweats had returned after 2 weeks of waking up dry and in the same pj's!!! That hasn't happened in 5 months!! Needless to say, I am just riding the roller coaster of medicine. I'm not a fan of roller coasters though. I can get off anytime now.
Like I said, it has ONLY been two months. SOO much has happened, but I have come SOO far in this short time. Still a ways to go. And with this being "chronic", I will be living with this the rest of my life.
One of my favorite sayings: "you gotta laugh to keep from crying!" Seriously, though. I am not making light of my diagnosis. That stupid "C" word is no joke. Like everyone, I have my extreme moments of weakness and vulnerability. I'm not sure it has completely sunk in. Will it ever? I went to the eye dr last week and filling out my paperwork and having to check the "C" word now. My new life. I fought the lump in my throat and smiled at the lady as I handed it over to her.
My spleen is drastically better. Almost to the point of having no excuse anymore for a "bulging belly" - hahahaha!! See? I'm laughing. I tell you what though. My spleen went down in the books. Should have entered that sucker in the Guinness Book of World Records. It seriously impressed so many people. My primary Dr. wished her medical students were around to feel it. Resident dr's at Loyola had bug eyes. Dr. Nand (a leukemia specialist) has seen some enlarged spleens, but, NOTHING like mine. Yeah, that's right. Go big or go home. Thanking some guardian angels about that one. They can't believe the dumb thing didn't rupture. They weren't sure how I was even eating because it was crushing my stomach.
Here we are, just 11 days until Christmas. I'm going into this holiday with a whole new perspective. It's so not about the gifts under the tree. My heart is so full when I'm sitting in a room with my family, the Christmas tree blinding us with its 1,200 lights (again, go big or go home. Right, Jase??), the "Express" (as Blake has appropriately named it) going around the tracks under the tree blaring the same 2 Christmas carols over and over... and over. I've actually gotten mad at myself a couple times for it taking me to get cancer to re-look at my priorities and look at things with a new perspective. We are all guilty of that, though. It's so easy to get in a rut and just go through the motions. Heck, I've even accessorized presents with ribbons and bows. Haven't done that in years. I'd be lying if I said I poop rainbows rainbows now - I'm still very real. My two little darlings still have the ability to make me yell - haha! Toddlers are no joke. And kudos to you people who have several more than I.
I don't write this stuff for "poor me, why me". I write it because I care. If I can inspire one person to make a change, whether it's personal, professional, for their health, maybe to just stop and take it all in? Something, anything. Then I have met my goal. Life can change in a matter of seconds. It took one phone call for me.
The prayers, cards, texts, emails, letters, phone calls, meals. The continued outpouring of support. I thank you. I can never thank you enough. Wishing you and yours a VERY Merry Christmas and a Happy and HEALTHY New Year.
Love and Hugs,
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
P.S. I know I said its not about the gifts under the tree. But, one materialistic thing I am secretly obsessed with... have you seen my new fringe boots? I scored these things on a deal. They are sooo not me. So not my style. But, by golly, it's time to start living!!!! I bought these things stepping way out of my comfort zone and now I'm in love with them. I will even change out of my yoga pants into my skinnies (again, who am I?) so I can wear my fringe boots to go get a gallon of milk. ANNNND to think they come in 7 other colors. Lord, help me. Give me the strength to stay off Amazon and having the other 7 colors show up on my front porch 2 days later...
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| Very humbling walking into this place... |
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| Appealing, huh? |
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| You know you love them too!! |
Monday, November 16, 2015
Just Keep Swimming...
Wednesday, October 14th, 2015. A day I will never forget. The day my world was flipped upside down. The day I was told I had cancer.
I took Kendall to our pediatrician this sunny day. She was going to get her tubes in two days later and we were seeing Dr. Mary for a pre-op appt. When Dr. Mary walked into the room she took one look at me and asked what was wrong... "Nothing?!" "Are you feeling all right, mom?" "Yeah?" "You don't look well, Rhonda." After an extensive conversation and exam she convinced me to get bloodwork done THAT DAY. I called my internist, bloodwork was ordered, I fasted the rest of the day, went at 7PM to get poked, went home, ate something, did my thing and went to bed at 10:00. Probably asleep at 10:01 - I was usually exhausted at this point of the day, especially if I had enough in me to not lay down and take a nap that afternoon... who isn't exhausted at the end of the day after running after two energizer bunnies?
11:45 that night. Just 1 hour and 45 minutes after I crashed, I was awoken by my husband handing me the phone with the most concerned look on his face. "Here. It's Dr. Gavran..." "Hi Rhonda, I'm sorry to be calling you at this hour but I was just contacted by the lab. Your bloodwork is very abnormal. I would like you to get the ER as soon as possible. We need to run further tests. Your platelet level is very elevated which puts you at the risk of having a stroke. But, more importantly, your white blood cell count is at 307,000. These should be between 4-10,000. This is a red flag for leukemia. If it is, in fact, leukemia we would want to start chemo right away and any other treatment necessary. With any luck, this is chronic leukemia and that's very treatable. But, we won't know until we run further tests. I am going to call the ER doctor and the oncologist on call immediately so everyone knows to be expecting you."
That's when I finally sat up. WHAT?! Is this a dream? Wake me from this nightmare! I couldn't even speak. I don't even know what the Dr said after that. Here I was just woken from a dead sleep and told I had that awful, dreaded "C" word.
I eventually got myself out of bed to change. Jason called my mom and dad to come over. All I could do was say, "OH MY GOD!" I prayed. I prayed so hard. I sat on that bed and prayed. It seemed like an eternity until my parent's got there. I paced in between my two sleeping babies. Kissing them, hugging them, praying over them, trying to control my sobs so to not wake them.
By 1:00AM I was checked into the ER and into a room. Hurry up and wait. With my husband and dad by my side I was being asked a million questions. "Do you have any pain?" "No." Any discomfort?" "No" "Are you fatigued?" "Sure, I could take a nap every afternoon." "Any change in appetite?" "No." "Weight loss?" "Yes. But I was trying!" "Anything else going on?" "Well, yes. Crazy night sweats. So bad I'm up 2-4 times to change clothes and find a new place to sleep because my spot was drenched. And shortness of breath causing a cough." The dr feels my stomach. "Wow, your whole stomach has dropped. Your spleen is extremely enlarged taking up the whole stomach cavity." Yet, another sign of leukemia. The more she talked, the more I wanted to crawl into a hole. She tells me to hang tight as she waited for more results of more blood that was just taken. She leaves. I start sobbing. We all started sobbing. This can't be happening! I'm not ready to die! I can't die! I have 2 babies! In my head I was composing my letters to my children and my family. I was just given my death sentence.
Around 4AM I am admitted for observation until the oncologist and pathologist review all the bloodwork to give me my diagnosis. I was told this was going to take hours because they had 300,000 cells to look at. After getting settled into my room, and knowing it would be at least late morning until I was seen, Jason and my dad decide to go home to catch some sleep. They leave and there I lay in the dark silence (well, as much silence there can be when your room is outside the nurse's station and the elderly man in the room next to you pukes his guts out every 20 minutes. Shame, I felt bad for him. I actually sat and prayed for him) Needless to say, I didn't sleep. My mind was going here, there and everywhere and the last thing I wanted to do was close my eyes.
Jason came back around 8 for a bit as he was going with Blake on his first field trip to a pumpkin farm. We basically just sat and cried together. He left and shortly after that my nurse came in to ask if I was up for a visitor. It was my brother. Him and I cried together. The phone rang and it was my sister in law. I cried with her. My dad came back too. I WAS SO SCARED. I have leukemia. I have cancer.
Those 10 hours from the initial phone call to get to the ER until the oncologist walked in seemed like an eternity. He began asking those million questions. The ones I had answered 12 times by now. We went through them all. He looked at me and said he's 90% sure this is chronic myeloid leukemia. Although I still had no idea what that meant, I just remember Dr. Gavran saying, "With any luck this is chronic leukemia." After chatting a little more he said he would be returning by noon to do a bone marrow biopsy, starting me on a chemo pill and he would be sending me home to play with my babies!!! I cried some more. We all cried some more! This time the tears seemed to be more tears of joy than complete fear.
November 14th, 2015. One whole month later. Here I sit on the couch. Home. With my family. SO much has happened in the past 4 weeks. I am feeling better than I have felt in MONTHS. I have since turned all my doctoring and care over to the team of brains at Loyola. I go for weekly blood draws where Loyola will monitor me. My doc doesn't feel the need to see me for two months!! I take an oral chemotherapy pill that they feel will put me into a deep remission within just a few short months (but I will remain on for the rest of my life). WOW! My spleen is shrinking and it lets me know its shrinking by giving me really awesome cramps/charlie horses. Minor side effects of the meds I am learning to live with. My new normal. I don't care. It means I'm getting better and healthier. My white blood cell count has drastically dropped in 4 weeks time.
Now that this disease is starting to get under control, I realize just how sick I was. I. WAS. MISERABLE. Like everyone else, I had an answer to all my symptoms. Weight loss? I was doing my ever so faithful Weight Watchers! I was TRYING to lose weight! Here I thought I was doing AWESOME on it!!! Bulging belly? Oh, the joys of having children, right?! Your body never goes back to the way it was. Night sweats? Oh, my hormones are going crazy. Tired/Fatigued? Who couldn't use a nap in the afternoons? Especially being home with some very energetic toddlers. Tired/Sore muscles? Gosh, I'm out of shape. Shortness of breath/cough? Those stupid allergies. The signs were all there but I didn't feel sick. I had no pain. I ate. I didn't know I had leukemia.
What I do know is I have the absolute BEST support system. My husband, my parents, my family, my friends. The outpouring of love, support and, most importantly, prayers, has been overwhelmingly amazing. They all need it just as much as me. I am forever grateful for everyone fighting right along with me. I am also forever grateful for Dr. Mary Collins for getting this whole ball rolling. I may have left her office in tears because I was scared, but, because of her, this was caught and already beginning to show that its headed in the right direction She has been a tremendous support through it all too. Providing me with sound advice and being a sounding board for me. Together, we got this. Together, we are going to kick cancer's ass! Love you all!
I took Kendall to our pediatrician this sunny day. She was going to get her tubes in two days later and we were seeing Dr. Mary for a pre-op appt. When Dr. Mary walked into the room she took one look at me and asked what was wrong... "Nothing?!" "Are you feeling all right, mom?" "Yeah?" "You don't look well, Rhonda." After an extensive conversation and exam she convinced me to get bloodwork done THAT DAY. I called my internist, bloodwork was ordered, I fasted the rest of the day, went at 7PM to get poked, went home, ate something, did my thing and went to bed at 10:00. Probably asleep at 10:01 - I was usually exhausted at this point of the day, especially if I had enough in me to not lay down and take a nap that afternoon... who isn't exhausted at the end of the day after running after two energizer bunnies?
11:45 that night. Just 1 hour and 45 minutes after I crashed, I was awoken by my husband handing me the phone with the most concerned look on his face. "Here. It's Dr. Gavran..." "Hi Rhonda, I'm sorry to be calling you at this hour but I was just contacted by the lab. Your bloodwork is very abnormal. I would like you to get the ER as soon as possible. We need to run further tests. Your platelet level is very elevated which puts you at the risk of having a stroke. But, more importantly, your white blood cell count is at 307,000. These should be between 4-10,000. This is a red flag for leukemia. If it is, in fact, leukemia we would want to start chemo right away and any other treatment necessary. With any luck, this is chronic leukemia and that's very treatable. But, we won't know until we run further tests. I am going to call the ER doctor and the oncologist on call immediately so everyone knows to be expecting you."
That's when I finally sat up. WHAT?! Is this a dream? Wake me from this nightmare! I couldn't even speak. I don't even know what the Dr said after that. Here I was just woken from a dead sleep and told I had that awful, dreaded "C" word.
I eventually got myself out of bed to change. Jason called my mom and dad to come over. All I could do was say, "OH MY GOD!" I prayed. I prayed so hard. I sat on that bed and prayed. It seemed like an eternity until my parent's got there. I paced in between my two sleeping babies. Kissing them, hugging them, praying over them, trying to control my sobs so to not wake them.
By 1:00AM I was checked into the ER and into a room. Hurry up and wait. With my husband and dad by my side I was being asked a million questions. "Do you have any pain?" "No." Any discomfort?" "No" "Are you fatigued?" "Sure, I could take a nap every afternoon." "Any change in appetite?" "No." "Weight loss?" "Yes. But I was trying!" "Anything else going on?" "Well, yes. Crazy night sweats. So bad I'm up 2-4 times to change clothes and find a new place to sleep because my spot was drenched. And shortness of breath causing a cough." The dr feels my stomach. "Wow, your whole stomach has dropped. Your spleen is extremely enlarged taking up the whole stomach cavity." Yet, another sign of leukemia. The more she talked, the more I wanted to crawl into a hole. She tells me to hang tight as she waited for more results of more blood that was just taken. She leaves. I start sobbing. We all started sobbing. This can't be happening! I'm not ready to die! I can't die! I have 2 babies! In my head I was composing my letters to my children and my family. I was just given my death sentence.
Around 4AM I am admitted for observation until the oncologist and pathologist review all the bloodwork to give me my diagnosis. I was told this was going to take hours because they had 300,000 cells to look at. After getting settled into my room, and knowing it would be at least late morning until I was seen, Jason and my dad decide to go home to catch some sleep. They leave and there I lay in the dark silence (well, as much silence there can be when your room is outside the nurse's station and the elderly man in the room next to you pukes his guts out every 20 minutes. Shame, I felt bad for him. I actually sat and prayed for him) Needless to say, I didn't sleep. My mind was going here, there and everywhere and the last thing I wanted to do was close my eyes.
Jason came back around 8 for a bit as he was going with Blake on his first field trip to a pumpkin farm. We basically just sat and cried together. He left and shortly after that my nurse came in to ask if I was up for a visitor. It was my brother. Him and I cried together. The phone rang and it was my sister in law. I cried with her. My dad came back too. I WAS SO SCARED. I have leukemia. I have cancer.
Those 10 hours from the initial phone call to get to the ER until the oncologist walked in seemed like an eternity. He began asking those million questions. The ones I had answered 12 times by now. We went through them all. He looked at me and said he's 90% sure this is chronic myeloid leukemia. Although I still had no idea what that meant, I just remember Dr. Gavran saying, "With any luck this is chronic leukemia." After chatting a little more he said he would be returning by noon to do a bone marrow biopsy, starting me on a chemo pill and he would be sending me home to play with my babies!!! I cried some more. We all cried some more! This time the tears seemed to be more tears of joy than complete fear.
November 14th, 2015. One whole month later. Here I sit on the couch. Home. With my family. SO much has happened in the past 4 weeks. I am feeling better than I have felt in MONTHS. I have since turned all my doctoring and care over to the team of brains at Loyola. I go for weekly blood draws where Loyola will monitor me. My doc doesn't feel the need to see me for two months!! I take an oral chemotherapy pill that they feel will put me into a deep remission within just a few short months (but I will remain on for the rest of my life). WOW! My spleen is shrinking and it lets me know its shrinking by giving me really awesome cramps/charlie horses. Minor side effects of the meds I am learning to live with. My new normal. I don't care. It means I'm getting better and healthier. My white blood cell count has drastically dropped in 4 weeks time.
Now that this disease is starting to get under control, I realize just how sick I was. I. WAS. MISERABLE. Like everyone else, I had an answer to all my symptoms. Weight loss? I was doing my ever so faithful Weight Watchers! I was TRYING to lose weight! Here I thought I was doing AWESOME on it!!! Bulging belly? Oh, the joys of having children, right?! Your body never goes back to the way it was. Night sweats? Oh, my hormones are going crazy. Tired/Fatigued? Who couldn't use a nap in the afternoons? Especially being home with some very energetic toddlers. Tired/Sore muscles? Gosh, I'm out of shape. Shortness of breath/cough? Those stupid allergies. The signs were all there but I didn't feel sick. I had no pain. I ate. I didn't know I had leukemia.
What I do know is I have the absolute BEST support system. My husband, my parents, my family, my friends. The outpouring of love, support and, most importantly, prayers, has been overwhelmingly amazing. They all need it just as much as me. I am forever grateful for everyone fighting right along with me. I am also forever grateful for Dr. Mary Collins for getting this whole ball rolling. I may have left her office in tears because I was scared, but, because of her, this was caught and already beginning to show that its headed in the right direction She has been a tremendous support through it all too. Providing me with sound advice and being a sounding board for me. Together, we got this. Together, we are going to kick cancer's ass! Love you all!
Thursday, May 1, 2014
One half year old!! And almost 2?!?!
OK... OK... So we pulled a little April Fool's on y'all last month. Sorry about that. There are no more little Dixon's in the making right now. Mommy's enjoying her Bloody Mary's too much, and she says being pregnant 18 (technically 20) out of 24 months is good for awhile, if not forever. Plus, daddy says I have entered the terrible 2's too early and he's going to the loony house. I have been a little challenging lately, but who's never up for a good challenge?
I am 6 months old! I love to sit up and play with my toys but please don't put me on my belly. I HATE that. And I refuse to roll over. I have also learned to love my walker! I jump and really get around in that thing which is good because my baptism was postponed for so long. I am under a strict diet and exercise program because I have a very important dress to get into this weekend. My dress fitting last week made mommy very nervous! You see, I'm wearing her baptism gown for my special day. I think I heard her say she got me some Spanx?!?! I really don't think she has anything to worry about since I'm not a fan of food. Bananas, cereal, mashed potatoes - anything - I just gag and choke and cough and spit it out. I'll just stick to my bottles, thanks.
I hope you all had a nice Easter. Kendall really enjoyed her 1st Easter - it was like a summer day! She doesn't know what summer is yet and I think the rest of us have forgotten what its like too. She starting to think we're telling big lies about always being outside, having cookouts, going to the splash park, going on long walks... I promise, Kendall, it's coming. But, don't blink because it'll only last like 3 seconds and then it will be snowing again. You'd think our 'rents walked around with a camera on us 24/7 because every month there are more and more pics... Oh wait. They do! Enjoy!
Love, Blake and Kendall XOXO
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| 6 Months! 4.28.2014 |
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| 6 Months! 4.28.2014 |
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| 6 Months! 4.28.2014 |
I hope you all had a nice Easter. Kendall really enjoyed her 1st Easter - it was like a summer day! She doesn't know what summer is yet and I think the rest of us have forgotten what its like too. She starting to think we're telling big lies about always being outside, having cookouts, going to the splash park, going on long walks... I promise, Kendall, it's coming. But, don't blink because it'll only last like 3 seconds and then it will be snowing again. You'd think our 'rents walked around with a camera on us 24/7 because every month there are more and more pics... Oh wait. They do! Enjoy!
Love, Blake and Kendall XOXO
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| Happy Easter from the Dixon's! |
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| Are we having fun yet? |
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| Dying eggs with Daddy |
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| Dying my first Easter Egg! Pink of course! |
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| Easter bunny brought me a baseball glove! |
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| Sippy cups and clothes! YES! |
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| Hangin' with my chick |
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| Cutest Easter basket! |
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| Silence... mommy should have known better |
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| These smiles are few and far between these days! |
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| Mommy and I worked HARD in the yard |
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| Looking quite scholarly! |
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| Anything for my sister! Even if it means a tea party |
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| Eat, sleep, and play golf! |
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| I do love my bananas! |
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| They didn't want me showing them up. |
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| 2 smiles in one month! |
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| We missed a spot! |
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| I smell blackmail! |
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| Loving solids! Can you tell? ;) |
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| Please! No more! |
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| Making pancakes! |
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| Look at those baby blues |
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| The classic "first fall asleep in the high chair" pic! |
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| Just playing some dress up! In mommy's wedding gown! Check out that waistline. |
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| But, I will eat these! |
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| These gloomy days are good for Sophie snuggles |
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| Wild thing |
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| Battin' those eyes again |
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| Oh Heyyyy! |
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| No caption needed. |
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| One more with the chick! |
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| Can't go outside so wagon rides in the basement it is! |
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| Saturday morning cartoons, anyone? |
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