It's Go Time...

Well, here we are.  This is just all SO surreal.  Who wakes up and says they're going to be admitted tomorrow for a stem cell transplant?!  Several times a day I get asked, "how are you?" Or "How are you feeling?"  I'm fricken great!  I feel normal.  I'm good!  I certainly don't feel like 85% of my blood and bone marrow is diseased... I am very sick...  these horrific diseases are so silent.

So many have asked how they will be updated with my shit show ass kicking... Right here on this blog, friends.  I have every intention of letting you ride this out with me.  We've come this far, right?!   If I'm not feeling up to it, Jason or my Mom and Dad will step in. We will treat it like a CaringBridge site.  Feel free to add your email directly under "The Dixon Family Blog" header.  You must be on a computer or "view in web version" from a phone to see that.  You will be notified when a new post posts.

I've been keeping myself more than busy.  I've had to. Otherwise, my mind wanders and that's when I get scared, angry, anxious, doubtful, or just down right pissed off.  There's been a few instances where I've had some alone time.  That's when the brave face comes off and I lose it.  But, a good cry every now and then feels so good too.  Two weekends ago I found myself kid and husband free Sunday morning.  I started my day off at church and did really well up until the communion song... How Great Thou Art.  Uffda. Cue the water works. Beautiful hymn.  Luckily, two of my high school teachers caught me walking out, offered a few hugs, chit chatted and got me laughing again.  I went straight over to Starbucks and grabbed myself a Venti soy chai and lemon loaf.  Lemon loaf = Rhonda's weakness.

Soaking up every ray of summer sunshine and breathing in that hot, humid, summer air has been a priority since I'll be watching the end of summer go by from a hospital room.  Lame.  We've crammed a lot into the last few weeks: A night away in Galena, Cubs game, pool parties, strolling Lake Geneva after a delicious Bloody Mary, Country Donut dates, play dates, mowing the lawn, comedy show, favorite restaurants and obviously spending every possible minute with my babies.

Last Friday we had the dreaded talk with Blake (5) and Kendall (3).  It went better than anticipated.  Kendall led the conversation with her 693 questions.  Blake was quiet and took it all in, but, has since asked several questions and talks freely about it.  They saw pictures of Uncle Greggie hooked up to a big machine and know some special blood was collected in a bag.  And mommy will take some very special medicine to make all of her blood go away in the garbage and then get that new special blood put back in me!  Kids are not ignorant.  We were amazed at the questions coming from the 3 year old.

This stuff is so hard. Every aspect of it.  Jason and I have learned we have more than a village behind us.  We have an army.  If we took everyone who's offered to help up on their offer, we would have childcare, meals, lawn service, cleaning service and who knows what else for a year.  It's overwhelming at times and hard to ask for help.  But, when people just step up and do it, it's a huge weight lifted. So, thank you. Seriously. Thank you!

I'm so lucky to be able to be home with my babies everyday, but, I'm being forced to take my mom hat off for a bit. Now THAT is hard!!  I'm not good at taking a backseat, right Jase?! Lol!  I know everyone and everything is going to be well taken care of thanks to my lengthy notes and detailed calendar. 😜 The hundreds of errands have been run and now it's time to focus on me. Get in. Get out. And get on with life.

Well, what do ya say?!   Let's do this.  I've got a goal here... a realistic one at that!  A lot will happen between now and then... but, September 4th I will turn 36 and damnit!!!!!! *slams hand on the table* I WILL BE HOME BY THEN!!!!!  Send those prayers up!  I've got some ass kicking to do!

Be well.

Love,

Rhonda Kay
xoxo