Well, friends?! I’ve got lots to tell you... AND I even have a special guest blog for you. ❤️
This is how I left y’all 6 weeks ago: So here’s what’s going to happen... I go back next Friday, on my nieces 12th Birthday, by the way... 12!!! Ahhhhh! How is that possible when I’m only 24?!?!? 😩 I’ll make doc expedite that XY study. 4/5 days later we’ll learn it hit 100%. I’ll get my requested bone marrow biopsy to confirm all results. Get these $!?&$ tubes out of my chest AND THEN WE’ll ALL MOVE ON WITH OUR LIFE. Can I get an Amen?!?!
My niece, did indeed, turn 12. 😳 No, I am not 24. 😜 That XY study came back at a dinky 0.5 increase. But, hey, an increase is an increase. Now we’re at 99%. Two weeks later I return and didn’t learn those results for SIXTEEN DAYS. I repeat... SIXTEEN DAYS. And wouldn’t you know the little bastards just HAD to get one last jab in and increased only another 0.5%. 99.5%. You can probably imagine I went in last Friday a little frustrated... I POLITELY FIRMLY asked if we could stay on top of the lab this time and EXPEDITE that test. They obliged. And last night I learned I FINALLY HIT 100%!!!!!!!! There are no more of Rhonda’s lame, shit show filled cells present in my blood. 🙌🏻🎉🤸♀️ *cue the cartwheel round-off back flip* I am officially Greg Gillund!!!! Mom and Dad, you always wanted 3 boys, right??? 😂😂
And yes, I got those $!?&$ tubes out of my chest. A whole blog post in itself - Hahahaha!! As they prepped me for the procedure - all formal down on the interventional radiology floor and all - “This is a simple procedure, Mrs. Dixon. 10-15 minutes. Sometimes 20. 1 little numbing shot and then I just need to wiggle it free from you and it slides out like butter.” 😳 Great. Get it out!!!! 5 numbing shots and 50 minutes later that son of a you know what came out, but, it sure didn’t slide out LIKE BUTTER. Of course not! After my palms got blood flow back into them and I relaxed a little, I looked that surgeon in the eye and said “I tell you what, if I do end up needing a boost of stem cells they can shoot them up my a$$ before they even THINK of putting one of those back in me!!!!” We all laughed a good laugh. The thing literally grew into me, and became me. A shithead going in and and shithead coming out. Good. Riddance. ✌🏻
Last night, after almost 8 months I slept on my stomach 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
I hope I’ve brought a smile so far. Maybe even a chuckle. But, now for some hard stuff. *deep breath* Last Friday I received a call from Greg with some news that punched me in the gut. He connected me with a friend’s mom who was a couple months ahead of me in her transplant journey. I finally worked up the courage to call her one day and interrupted her having a glass of wine outside on her deck. She was feeling great, transplant was going well, and loving life. She made me laugh and smile and just kept telling me I had the best attitude and I was going to waltz right through this. When we hung up I decided I was done reaching out to people. This was a good place to stop - I was finally in a good mindset about the whole situation and it was time to write my own story. This past fall I learned her leukemia was back and last week she gained her angel wings 💔
Stupid C word. So sick of it. Infuriates me. Scares me. Saddens me. Makes me want to crawl into a hole. Makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. I know I speak for the rest of the world there.
Sitting through a tear jerker of a funeral a month ago. Another warrior gained his angel wings - esophagus cancer. Pastors words still replay in my head, “A year ago there was no sign of cancer. No sign of sickness. And here we sit at his funeral.”
My shit show story certainly doesn’t end here, but we did hit another big goal of achieving 100%. I am still closely monitored because of my angry liver numbers and other graft vs host issues. One example, my lips. I mean, really?! Sore, tender, blistery lips that’s really putting a damper on my love of spicy food... and Portillo’s chopped salad dressing. The burn sends me through the roof. For now, my lipstick is a steroid creme or Aquaphor. 👍🏻 Doc said he didn’t feel sorry for me for not being able to eat jalapeño chips... but if plain white bread becomes an issue we’ll chat. Hahaha!
I digress... Enough about me. It's time to turn the spotlight over to my very special guest blogger! My husband 💓
I asked Jason if he'd be interested in writing something for the blog and I'm not sure he ever really answered me. Quite honestly, I thought he forgot about it. But, out of the blue he emailed me this...
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When Rhonda asked me to write a guest blog I told her that I
could probably write a book about the last two and a half years. I will try and
spare you all from a novel but gosh there is just so much to say about this
experience. You’ve heard it before and I will say it again. Cancer sucks. It is
a burden that no one should take on and changes lives in so many ways. I wanted
to share my own thoughts and feelings about what this experience has been like
from my point of view.
I still think back to that night when the phone rang and
changed our lives forever. I was reading an autobiography by the actor Martin
Short. His wife lost her battle with cancer a few years back and he talks about
it in the book. I had almost reached that part of his story when my own story
jumped into a new chapter (or like I said more like a whole novel). After
Rhonda hung up we had a conversation. One that to this day I play back in my
head over and over. The first words out of her mouth were “my babies” as she
started to sob. With those two words my whole world came crashing down on top
of me. I didn’t know exactly what I felt right then. Hell, we didn’t even know
what we were dealing with yet but a late night phone call telling us to get to
the hospital was not good. At that moment I knew being strong for her was
paramount to any emotion I was having at that time. I remember telling her that we were going to
face whatever cruel stranger was about to come our way and we were going to
beat it. Together.
You all pretty much know the details of what happened that
night. I am not going to retell the same story Rhonda has already shared in her
own wonderful way.
I came home very early from that long night in the hospital and
the first thing I did was crawl into bed with Blake. He had his first ever
pre-school field trip that morning and there was no way he was going without
one of us. As soon as I crawled into his bed and saw that sweet innocent face I
lost it. The weight of the previous six hours and thinking about how Blake and
Kendall’s lives were about to be changed forever was too much for me to bear.
The sound of Rhonda’s words still ringing in my head. “My babies”. In the years
since I have had plenty of moments where I lost control, got angry and cried
but nothing compares to that first one right out of the gate.
Since that day I have learned so many life changing lessons.
It is just too bad that it took my wife getting cancer for me to learn them.
Every aspect of my life was observed in a whole new light. It was as if someone
had changed the reality filter and I was seeing things differently than before.
My relationships with Rhonda, the kids, my faith, work, friends and even myself
changed overnight. Literally everything. I was just rolling through a pretty
good life when a giant turd of a curve ball knocked me off my feet but made me
step up and be the person I was meant to be. I am a huge believer that
everything happens for a reason and we either take advantage of opportunities
when presented to us or we don’t. It’s up to us to recognize it and act. This
was the ultimate test of that belief.
That test started with taking care of Rhonda and the kids.
They have always come first but I admit there were times when I was distracted
by work, a house project or something else. Being the “head of the household”
wasn’t something I was used to and any previously defined roles had to change. As
some of you may know Rhonda kinda sorta wears the pants in our household. I
know it’s probably hard to believe but it’s true. But she is the smartest
person I know. Why wouldn’t I just get out of the way and let her lead the way?
I’m no dummy.
Rhonda, Blake and Kendall became the only thing in this
world I cared about and all of those other categories of life drifted away. No
more house projects. Work trips became minimal. Nothing mattered other than
supporting and attending to their needs because for me that’s what it’s all
about in this life. But it isn’t a solo effort. We have built a support team of
family, friends and in some cases strangers which is a must to get through
these journeys. We would be lost if it wasn’t for all the wonderful people
selflessly giving their time, love and support for which I am forever grateful.
And a special shout out to our family. You really are the
glue that kept this all together. Rhonda and I have been so lucky to have been
blessed with such loving and caring people.
But, there is a flip side to building a support system that I
think about constantly and is important to share. We have lost touch with some
people over these past few years which is a byproduct of having different
priorities both for them and us. Not to be a Debbie Downer but there is an
important lesson which is that when major life changing events happen, both
good and bad, relationships usually change forever. For this example I am going to stick with
negative effects. Not everyone is suited to deal with such dire complications
and I would be hypocritical if I didn’t include myself in that category before
all this happened. I probably would have ran away and ignored the bad news so
it didn’t become real. I am not saying that is what happens in every case and
it certainly isn’t anyone’s fault. I
don’t blame anyone that has faded away from us but this is an unfortunate consequence
of major change. Who knows if those relationships will ever recover, I pray
that they do, but I fear what’s done is done and there’s probably no coming
back.
Okay then I will get off the soap box now and only positive
vibes from here on out I swear.
One of the major things that changed for me was work. Don’t
tell my boss but there was a long stretch where my work suffered. Who really
cares though??? Yes making a living is one thing but making our career a number
one priority is another. Being able to not only provide for my family but enjoy
moments with them is what it is all about.
Now don’t get me wrong my company has been amazing through this whole
thing. My boss, who is more like a mentor than a boss, has always been
understanding and there for me. He asks how Rhonda is doing almost every time
we talk and says his family is thinking about her. The amazing thing is that
those two have never even met in person!!! Just another example of being given
a gift that pays off later. I got my job by pure happenstance and again goes to
show that everything happens for a reason.
As for myself I continue to try and find the beauty in the
absolute shittiest of shitshows. There have been ups and downs, moments of
doubt with a helping of the worst thoughts someone could have as their love
goes through this living hell. But for every crappy moment there have been a
hundred beautiful ones that have guided me this far. It’s about getting through
challenges and celebrating the victories. You know that book I was reading
before when this all started? I absolutely could not pick that book up and
finish it for over a year. I knew what that book represented in more ways than
one. Having the nerve to get through it literally turned a page for me in my
journey.
I believe that in this life we have to try and learn
something from the experiences we have as well as appreciate what we have when
we have it in our midst. I appreciate everyone that has asked how Rhonda is
doing even when things weren’t so great. It has shown me that they cared enough
to ask about someone who has had some sort of impact on their lives. The
messages, gifts and support is inspiring.
I have found myself appreciating the little things now more
than ever. Blake and Kendall sleeping peacefully in their beds or laughing with
Rhonda at one of the kid’s made up “jokes”, a random line from a movie that
makes me think “that’s so true” and pretty much every sunset now leaves me in
awe. A look, smile or laugh doesn’t go unnoticed. The best though is getting
hugs and kisses from my family when I get home whether it be from a five hour
trip or one for five days. It is always the same and absolutely never gets old.
Lastly I move onto your normal blogger, resident pants
wearer and mother of my children. Rhonda Kay, (yes I am now talking directly to
you, sweetheart). You have taught me more than anyone or anything through this
journey. Since we began dating 15 years ago (holy crap that can’t be
right) you have always made me want to be a better man and I like to think that
you succeeded just a little bit. If it weren’t for you I would have never been
who I am today and for that I am grateful beyond words.
Obviously, I wasn’t the one that had to go through what you
have but I imagine it is a very lonely position to be in even with all of the
wonderful love and support given to you. I only hope I have been there for you
with a shoulder to cry on with words of encouragement to keep pushing even
through the darkest times. Through every doctor’s appointment and test results,
both good and bad, you have shown a strength and purpose that leaves me in
complete amazement. Both the writing of your blogs and support you have given
others going through the same journey makes me so proud to call you my wife and
best friend. Through this mess you have found something wonderful inside of you
waiting to bust out. I hate that you had to find it through such awful
circumstances but like I said before everything happens for a reason. You have
always had a voice and I am so thrilled that you are able to share it with the
rest of the world. When hearing others tell me they love your blog and it
inspires them it makes me so proud.
Jason
**********
I hit the jackpot with that man, but, I'll spare y'all a sappy response.
Speaking of jackpot...
Jason and I are off to celebrate this long hellacious journey in VEGAS!!!
Thanks for always keeping tabs. Checking in. Sending a joke out of the blue. Prayers and swears. Everything.
Be well.
Love,
Rhonda Kay
xoxo
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| Peace. Out. ✌ |
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| Best. Nurse. Ever. 😷 |
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| Always helped me flush lines... |
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| 💙 |
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| Life's too short, friends. |
