I'm back on the trail and heading in the right direction. I took a detour there for a bit and it got rocky.
In May I went for a checkup. Did my usual blood work first and met with Dr. Nand. He walked in and asked his usual 100 questions as he pulled up my results from just minutes ago. "Are you feeling OK?" That's when I knew my suspicions were accurate. I had been tired again. As in "October tired" as I said to Jason one day. Back to counting down the seconds until nap time, frequent nose bleeds, bruising with the touch of a feather, etc. Something was up. My counts were all VERY low. 8 months ago, dangerously high. That day, dangerously low. In his very calm and professional demeanor, Dr. just said to stop treatment until counts come back up. In his words, "chemo just may be working too well." Weekly draws continued to show decreased levels. Nothing was coming up they way he wanted/suspected it would.
In the meanwhile, I started feeling GREAT off that chemo CRAP!!! My energy shot back and that awful nausea disappeared. (Strange, considering the blood draws weren't reflecting that). ANNNND.. my hubby surprised me with a trip to Nashville!!! I was beyond excited...
Until that Monday before we were to leave. I got our sweet babies down for a nap and snuck out to treat myself to a mani/pedi in case I were to run into Keith Urban. There I was, sitting there, all checked in, color of choice picked out and in my hand - Koala Berry, of course! - and my phone rings. It was that Maywood number. The number that makes my stomach sink and heart race even with just an appointment confirmation call. I stepped out to answer. It was Dr. Nand's nurse calling to relay a message. "Hi Rhonda, your blood work continues to show no improvement, getting worse if anything. We need to schedule a bone marrow biopsy sooner than later to see what's going on. Dr initially suggested doing it next week when you're back for your checkup, but, he'd rather not wait in case its something more serious. Can you come Wednesday?" Obviously, my health is WAY more important than a VERY much anticipated vacay... but, seriously? I asked to have HIM give me a call ASAP. I had questions/concerns/comments. I stepped back into the salon to return my polish and left. Well, sat in my car and waited for his call back. And prayed. And cried. And freaked out. Because that's just what I do.
It probably wasn't 5 minutes later when he called. Big, scary words were flying out of his mouth. "I'm concerned, Ms. Dixon, your leukemia could be turning into this. Could be turning into that. This could be happening. That could be happening." I won't repeat because I've chosen to now block out that conversation. I proceeded to mention I was to leave the next day for a trip day so if there was any way I could come first thing the next morning, I would appreciate that. "You want to have a biopsy and then go on vacation?" Well, NO, I DON'T!!! Who does??? But, YOU want answers and YOU are concerned and that makes ME hysterical and ME requesting to have this done ASAP!!! It got scheduled ;)
You guys, I was scared. Like, SO scared. Like worse than "October scared." And now I had to drive back home. Hysterical. Phone ringing like crazy between Jason, Mom, Dad and Me. I called my oldest, dearest BFF and she talked me off a cliff. I'm a redhead! I can be feisty (no comments, please) and stubborn. But, I am also sensitive and emotional. Yikes! I blame my babies for that one. Never used to be.
Things settled a bit later into the evening and Jason worked up the courage to ask the obvious (ha!)... "Do you still think you're up for going?" Honestly, I wasn't sure. I was leaning towards absolutely not, actually. I wasn't in the mood for anything. I had mentally shut down.
Later into the evening when I should have been long gone sleeping, I started packing my bag. I started coming back to my senses and realized I was letting my DISEASE ruin me. Did I want to hobble around Nashville after getting my bones drilled? No. But, what was I going to do? Sit in a dark hole and wait for that Maywood number to show up days later with results? Pack your bags, Jase! We're going to Nashville!
I got poked at 9AM and by 10 I was laying on that table squeezing the life out of Jason's hands because, well, I'm not going to sugar coat it. Bone marrow biopsies just plain suck. Maybe one blog I'll write a detailed "Rhonda's description" of one. I will say, the worst part is the first few shots of nova cane! Not funny. Auger down all you want after that, but those first shots??? HOLY OUCH!!! HAHA!! Giggling to myself picturing my brother (not the EMT) reading this and passing out. He can't even handle when I tell him about my weekly blood draws. Oncologist in the morning, next stop Nashville!! If you ain't living, you're dying! Off we went. After a stop for lunch, of course. Because ever since day 1 of all this whole nightmare, this girl right here has had an appetite much to dr's surprise. And, boy, is the scale reflecting that lately... But, I digress.
Jason and I had the most ridiculously fabulous time in Nashville. I seriously can't believe I even contemplated not going. Knowing what I know now... how we had too much fun, I really would have regretted that decision. Rooftop dinner, fun entertainment at famous Tootsie's, stopping in a few other staple Broadway bars, posing on the red carpet, Joe Nichols private fan club party, surprised with a shopping spree for FRINGE COWGIRL BOOTS!!, and onto the CMT awards show. That was just our first 24 hours... I was sore, and pooped. But, having too much fun to even care.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about my health amidst all this. That black cloud tried hovering a few times. That's when I'd silently mutter in my brain, "I'm giving it to you, God. Throw me a sign!" You wouldn't believe some of the things he was throwing me... Some very subtle and some so obvious and in my face I'd even have to point them out to Jason. One crazy example: We were standing among hundreds of people at one of the side stages waiting for the concert to start. The girl in front of me lifts her hair off her neck and the anchor tattoo on the back of her neck stares back at me. She steps away for a bit and we move up eventually making our way to front row (don't get too excited... it was just David Nail) and the girl next to me has a much smaller tattoo behind her ear... another anchor.
Hope anchors the soul. Love, LoVe, LOVE that saying! It has become my motto. Hence my obsession with anchors!!! Never lose HOPE!
Signs? Coincidence? Call it what you want. After my follow up appointment last week I'm going to stick with my "signs" story. The good Lord was hearing my and your prayers. Several tests were run with my bone marrow sample. He said he checked it all. Nothing of concern showed up anywhere. No abnormal cells. Things seem to be aligning nicely. There was one gene study he was still waiting on (takes awhile) and he would call me if he saw something he didn't like. Haven't heard from him. My blood work has also begun to trend upwards. So while he was stumped as to why my blood work was bottoming out, he wasn't seeing any reason to be concerned. He simply called it me being "special" and just "keeping him on his toes." Duh, doc. Have you seen my hair? All jokes aside - one quite encouraging test we talked about - and forgive my lack of medical terminology knowledge... "One test we look for the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome blah blah blah and we look for the levels of the blah blab blah to be under 35. Blah blah blah yours is 25. That's very good. We're getting there" Amen! Back on treatment. We will play with dosage as my body tells us what it can handle. I knew hearing 'Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me' as we neared the hospital was, perhaps, another sign.
I had so much more on my mental notepad to touch base on but I'm going to leave it at that for now. Mainly Nashville stuff because now I'm obsessed. Like how we went for a drive through the country and checked out Franklin, TN. And how we MAY have stopped for a drink at the Franklin Starbucks and waited for the Black Bentley to pull up and out pop Keith... He didn't. But, I did enjoy an ice cold shaken green tea lemonade with my husband on a beautiful, hot Tennessee day. Maybe I need to write a little more often and not as much. Felt good again though. I feel so much lifted off my shoulders when I write it out. My plan to "stay under the radar" didn't work so well this time. Thank you for the continued prayers and support.
Now about that mani/pedi... Let's try that again.
Love y'all!
Rhonda Kay
XOXO
